It pains me to say this out loud… I’ve been trying to find a way to not have to say it, but every now and then good sense gets the best of me.

The timing of pretty much everything in my life is wretched. My fault, surely, and some things need to happen, are bound to happen, are designed to happen when they happen. Most of this is within my control.

Regardless, because of the timing of our separation and move-out and everything that goes along with that, I am woefully unprepared for the Avon Walk. Between exhaustion and bruises and the way my body is behaving right now, it would be unwise for me to walk with my team this weekend. The possibility of injury is to high for even me — and I’m relatively reckless when it comes to my limbs (hence all the bruising). I have not been able to train properly since making this decision; previously, the reasons behind my decision impeded my training schedule.

Significantly.

It just about killed me to tell my walking buddy today. (You’re not required to have a walking buddy, but she and I kept pace last year and finished together.) My team has been very supportive — they’ve tried to talk me back on the route, but they understand where I’m at right now.

I’ve not mentioned to them the weariness in my quads that I can’t quite figure out. I’ve not really mentioned that to anyone, actually. I kind of forget about it when it’s not happening.

But it’s a bizarre time now, anyway. Even the really great things in my life are on a schedule that does not support a logical path from point A to point B…not that I know what’s awaiting me at point B. Perhaps, if I had a better idea where and when point B will be, the rest of this would make more sense. For right now, though, one day at a time is about all I can manage.

My goal is to let everything take its natural course without trying to shove life back into my narrowly (and sometimes irrationally) personal timeline. For some reason, God’s watch tends to move slower than mine.