Self-censoring

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August 21, 2008 by 8junebugs

Generally speaking, I’m terrible at this. Seriously. If someone makes a comment in a meeting that is, shall we say, unprofessional to the point of “WTF,” I’m the one whose jaw will actually, physically drop.

But I’m awesome at poker. Figure that one out.

Right now, I’m afraid, life is sort of all work, all the time, or so it seems, and I am loathe to talk too much about work on a site that work friends read (hi, guys!). But I was in Harrisonburg again this month, as well as La Crosse, Wisconsin, and I’ve got meetings coming out of my ears, which means little “work” work is getting done. Should that prevent me from blogging in my own time? No, except that the things not getting done stick to my brain long after the day is over. Like mold. So the brain power I would like to use for other things just ain’t there.

Mom is stable and continuing treatment, though she has some as yet unidentified pressure in her chest that’s making her cough. She’s coming down here at the end of next month and her list of things to do makes me tired, and I am young and healthy. I have not yet mentioned that she won’t be able to smoke while she’s here — my house, my rules, yo. But that would only spark an argument about whether she’s smoking anymore, and that’s not worth it.

Instead, we argue about what my NEXT WEDDING should be like. Because that’s such a timely and critical topic. <<bangs head against wall>>

I did go to a “seminar” on low-glycemic eating last night. I use quotation marks because the last 10 minutes was a plug for the supplements and vitamins the teacher sells as part of a pyramid scheme program. I’m sure the supplements and vitamins are as good as the research she waved at us shows, but I was annoyed. Don’t talk to me about how to eat well to live well and then suggest I replace real food with potions and powders. Damn. Very very glad it was free.

This morning, I got blindsided by a dental cleaning. You know how it is…you go in for one and they say, “Oh! Would you like to schedule your next appointment while you’re here?” and you say, “Sure!” and then they’re all, “Here’s the appointment card — see you in February!” and you’re all, “Whatever…my blackberry will remind me when the time comes.” And then you wake up one morning and have to execute an unscheduled and brutal flossing because, dammit, your Outlook reminder settings are inadequate for dental appointment preparation.

The dentist did give me an A+ on my smile, and yes, that’s important to a 31-year-old with a long history of dental dysfunction. He was especially proud of how well I’m taking care of my wisdom teeth. 😀 Go, me!

For the most part, though, my thoughts are frequently on things I’m not ready to write about yet, and so, if I seem a little scattered these days, that’s why.

It’s funny how things begin to take shape in your head, and how those things start to seem real when you talk about them to, say, someone outside your circle of friends. It goes from “Hmmmm, I wonder if…this is interesting…what do you think?” to “Well, Dr. So-and-So, I’m planning X, Y, and Z, actually.” It comes up so strangely, too, but, once you say it, it goes from “thinking” to “planning,” just because someone with a passing interest in your life knows about it. And once it hits that point, “plan” is what you must do.

You must also, if you’re me, reign in your Id…focus on the plan and not the wild desire to plunge in heart first and head last.

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