Okay, gang, I’m not usually one to chat about hit counts, but I’m noticing a pleasant uptick in traffic that’s (a) making me think about advertising to pad my mattress and (b) making me feel bad that I’ve apparently not yet topped the story of my divorce. April 15 and the story of my broken home are still at the top of the charts.

And seriously, I didn’t even give you a Story-story because, me? I’m all about the privacy.

So what the hell?

I put it to you, my friends. Show some love and send your friends. Get that damn date off the “Best Day Ever” field in my overall stats sheet, would you? Because the irony has run its course.

***

One of you got here via A0L webmail. Even my dad finally dumped A0L, dude. Why buy the cow when you can get the gigs for free? And don’t tell me A0L is also free now — the opportunity cost is overwhelming when you consider how much of your life is wasted trying to cancel your account.

I beseech you on behalf of all that is good and holy about the internets: please get out while you still can, before a gnome in rags shows up on your doorstep and demands your firstborn.