June 24, 2008 by 8junebugs
Reading back a little bit, it seems I’m getting all het up again about things that may or may not be within my power to change. Do not be alarmed — I am starting to care about the rest of the world again. Enough to mock it/them, anyway, and we all know that’s how I show love. 😉
On the cancer front, platelet-making has slowed down. Mom managed to get up the the mid-70s, but it took almost a week and that’s still not enough to start chemo. They’re giving her another day and a half to make it into the 90s on her own because that’s preferable, but if she doesn’t get there they’ll do a transfusion, see how she responds, and — we hope — get her back on chemo.
We have started talking about the business side of dying, which we got to through a back door she wasn’t guarding. The house has been appraised and a lawyer and friend has been advising her on how to think about using the money from an eventual sale. (What housing crisis? In that area, someone’s going to want the land and the existing sewer system — the house itself is not long for this earth, I expect.)
I did draw a line on executorship. The lawyer recommended a split executorship between my brother and me to avoid resentment, and I said no. (She could still do it, but nobody tell her that, ‘kay?) Our experience has been such that my brother and I have different expectations, skills, and…levels of comfort with making difficult decisions based on a healthy balance of reason and emotion. It’s possible that many siblings could make a go of this and live happily ever after; everything I’ve seen indicates otherwise.
I’m not saying I must dictate all terms or don’t give a damn what my brother thinks, feels, or wants. I told her to explain to him what she thinks is best and ask him how he feels about it — whether he thinks it’s unfair to have one kid do it instead of both of us. If he believes it to be unfair and wants to have an equal (legal) say in all of it, then someone outside our little brood can execute her Will and work with both of us. But I ain’t fighting with him or anyone else from 500 miles away over stuff that, in the end, is just stuff.
Lest you think I’m being a bit coldblooded about all of this, um, where have you been? 😉 Rest assured that Mom and I are getting along just fine and I am respecting most of her boundaries. She has mentioned many times that she’s happy to see me being myself again, and this is what that self does.
So, in essence? We cool.