December 30, 2008 by 8junebugs
Have you seen this? 88 Things You Need to Know Before Attending a Wedding
(via Stephanie over at URBZEN)
The author, a recent newlywed, is aware of the myriad guides that exist for brides, grooms, and the entourage involved in hosting the Big Day. She and her friends have graciously compiled a “Guest Guide” that, were I a guest at her wedding, would make me want to take back the toaster.
Which would be okay, because it wouldn’t have cost as much as my dinner and would therefore not have been on the list of acceptable gifts.
Had she read to the end of the existing guides, she might have absorbed the idea that a wedding is a larger version of a regular dinner party. The bride and groom, or their families, are “hosts” of the event, and good hosts take responsibility for the success of the celebration without expecting anything in return. They do not give their guests a list of dos and don’ts.
If you want to control everything that happens at your wedding, elope. Otherwise, invite people you (a) trust to behave in the manner you expect or (b) want to have there, even if they wear jeans and a leather cap. After all, what’s most important? The wedding photos or the celebration of your union to (one hopes) the love of your life?
I’ve broken a lot of the rules on this list, partly because I wasn’t raised by Miss Manners. I’ve gotten better at it and would gladly wear 50 pounds of pink tulle if a friend asked it of me. I also know what it meant for The Bride of 2008 to tell me, a month before her wedding, that I was welcome to bring a guest — it meant she was more concerned about my comfort and enjoyment than about her head count or what gift I selected.
(For the record, I selected something off the registry and added a small piece of art that I thought they might like.)
The only “rule” that I think matters is this: Support your friends and family in the way that best fits them when they decide to marry. Support them the way you would for any other life event — with kindness and care for the emotions and the grandness of the moment in their lives. If you can’t do that, for whatever reason…well, let’s hope they’re more gracious than the writer who inspired this post.
And if you think the reception would be a perfect venue to showcase your breakdancing skills, you might want to reconsider that seventh Captain and Coke. Just sayin’.